Welcome to My House

Hey everyone.

Time to let you in on a little secret.

I’ve decided to sell my home and upgrade to a slightly bigger and nicer one. I found that mine just didn’t have enough space for all of my stuff. So it was time for an upgrade.

I already have bought the new one. The challenge I’ve run into, however, is the minor detail of selling my old house. For some baffling reason, my realtor just wasn’t able to move it, and it had been on the market for a few years. So, I decided to take matters into my own hand and sell FSBO.

As part of this move, I decided to hire a local filmmaker to shoot a video of myself in the house, with my wife, and some of her friends. Here it is – let me know what you think.

At a price tag equal to the mere median annual household income, I feel like the video investment should pay big dividends. If not, at least I have a cool lifestyle documentary.

Now, I know what you’re thinking… “how could anyone live in a house that small?!”. I know, right?! What happens when you have 9 people who need to use the bathroom simultaneously and you only have 8.5 bathrooms to go around. Ultimately, that is why I decided to move out.

My new house doubles the square footage, which effectively doubles the amount of stuff that can fill it. It’s like… stuff, squared. Actually, here’s a photo of it. The previous owner was none other than Dave Ramsey. Nice guy. Personal finance guru, you know.

welcome to my house

By extending the mortgage on this baby to 600 years and taking out a HELOC that tapped into the equity of every house in my county, my ancestors 20 generations from now should have no problem paying off my humble new abode and becoming mortgage-free! They should only have to pay a few million in property taxes at that point.

At the very least, I now have a good excuse to keep working until the day I die (stress-induced, or otherwise). Wouldn’t want to be stuck at home and spend time with the fam now, would we? Good way to get a little stir crazy!

Anyhow, being that this is an educational blog and all, here are some takeaways from this whole experience:

  1. Buying a big enough house eliminates the need to rent out a local airport hanger to store your extras. And that’s money you can take to the bank.
  2. Why wait until your house sells before moving out? If you need to stage your house, you can pay a local furniture store to shut down for a few months so you can borrow their inventory (just make sure you tell your wife to keep her friends from twerking around on the furniture!).
  3. Selling FSBO can save you millions. I know, chump change, but running my own open houses has presented real-life Hunger Games scenarios, so it’s been worth it. Just hand out compasses and artillery and tell people to go nuts!
  4. Now I know where the marshmallows went, why the theater couches had footprints on them, and why it smelled like 3 different women in my bed!

Here’s the Zillow if you’re in the market.

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