Comments on: First Date: How Much Should you Spend?

By: Abby

Abby — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 22:44:09 +0000

@Jessee- I think it has a lot more to do with the lifestyle you maintain.

If your goal is finding a person you will continue wanting to do things with, you should pick things that you enjoy doing that are within your personal spending tolerances. If you are the type of person who enjoys expensive dining, then a compatible person should as well. If you expect to never do that again, a nice dinner first date seems like a waste.

Discretionary spending is not an equal % of salary for everyone. There is nothing wrong with someone making 40k spending more a year on entertainment than someone making 150k. Maybe the 150ker is saving for something in particular like a house or visiting family that lives overseas and the 40ker has minimal expenses.

By: Jesse W.

Jesse W. — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 17:57:54 +0000

I think it is all relative to the money you can afford. While no one should spend thousands on the first date it is a little bit different if you make $150,000 a year compared to $40,000 a year.

By: Ron Ablang

Ron Ablang — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 14:13:08 +0000

@Abby: You sound like a reasonable woman. Some young women have this feeling of entitlement, like the men should pay for everything since women have to pay lots for their makeup and clothing.

Personally, for any meeting, I think that the person who did the inviting should pay. I wouldn’t expect to have to chip in if I was invited to something unless it was mentioned to me during the invite.

By: Abby

Abby — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 00:43:04 +0000

ON PLAN: I’ve never done the stereotypical “dinner and a movie” first date. If I am spending time with someone that I’m trying to get to know, a movie seems like a waste of time because you don’t get to interact at all. Dinner first dates can be awkward because you are too paranoid about price ranges, getting something stuck in your teeth, who should pay, keeping a conversation going in the right direction, etc. Actually, I think I just described an interview… I have always preferred casual or entertainment-type early dates. Lunch, minigolf, a baseball game, amusement park, etc. If you have mutual friends, group dates can be fun as well. You get to be together, interact, and learn about each other without the “interview” feel or needing to be the center of attention the WHOLE time.

ON PAYING: I am uncomfortable with someone I’m not close to spending a significant amount of money on me. I wouldn’t fight over an ice cream cone or modest lunch if my date insisted on paying, but would feel terrible if I couldn’t at least contribute to a $100 evening unless it was a regular thing where I could pick up the next one. I don’t like the implied expectation that I “owe” them something, but worse, I don’t tend to get along with people who consistently refuse to ALLOW me do to things for myself like pay, or open a door, or drive, etc. Chivalry is nice when it isn’t forced down your throat… then it is only creepy. I.e. If I try to hold a door open for you because your hands are full and mine are not, don’t yell at me for breaking the rules.

By: My Personal Finance Journey

My Personal Finance Journey — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 01:06:36 +0000

In my experience, I have found that it actually hurts a guy’s chances with a girl if he spends too much on her during the first date. I think this is due to the fact that spending too much doesn’t make you seem like as much of a challenge that she has to overcome. So, my advice is to go somewhere very casual (not trashy), reasonably priced, and most of all fun!

By: Ron Ablang

Ron Ablang — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 23:25:04 +0000

I’m going to agree w/ RS and say coffee for a first date. Dinner or lunch can seem like too much pressure for some women. So if the two don’t have enough to talk about on their coffee date, then there isn’t much lost.

By: Danielle

Danielle — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 16:31:33 +0000

I disagree with lunch for a first date, but that’s just a personal preference. I said $75-$100 for a first date. $50 would be fine, but you’d be hard pressed to find a decent, non-chain restaurant dinner for that price. BF and i usually spend $115 at dinner… not what we would prefer to spend, but that’s the price for the area we live in.

By: Griffin T.

Griffin T. — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 16:17:24 +0000

I agree that lunch is an easier first date, as its low pressure and generally more casual, but depending on how much chemistry you have, it might be best to go straight for dinner.

By: Budgeting in the Fun Stuff

Budgeting in the Fun Stuff — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 15:45:02 +0000

I prefer great ideas as opposed to thinking about the actual amount spent.

My husband-to-be knew I LOVED donuts and scary movies, so he took me to see From Hell but surprised me with Shipley’s Donuts that he had smuggled in. Normally, this would sound uber-cheap and tacky, but he had gone out of his way to make me smile…that’s a perfect first date. I found out later that he despises scary movies and like kolaches more than donuts…that just made it sweeter.

By: RS

RS — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 12:20:45 +0000

I prefer coffee as a first date. Since my pool of potentials are limited by my social circle, online dating has helped broaden my horizons. Dinner and a movie (esp in that order), is too much of a time investment if there’s no inital spark. I prefer a movie and then dinner, so if conversation falls short, there’s something to help thru the evening.
The coffee shop atmosphere forces a conversation with no strings attached, and if we hit it off, it doesn’t have to stop there. If not, it’s not a huge investment on either person.