I really think the nitpicking of brides about how people’s hair and makeup are done and whether everyone has matching shoes and jewelry and what color they’ve painted their fingernails is so ridiculous. Bridesmaids are people too.

Then, we paid for the dresses, tux rentals and the hotel rooms of our wedding party (3 brides maids and 3 groomsmen, plus parents). I told the girls to get whatever brown shoes they wanted to wear with their dress. I gave them jewelry as their bm gifts so they didn’t have to purchase that for the wedding either. We rented a 12 passenger van for transporting everyone around so no one had to rent a car. As far as hair and makeup went we paid for someone to come to the hotel and do everyone’s for them (a friend who gave me a good deal). The wedding party basically had to pay for gifts (if they chose), showers/bachelorette parties and air fare.

All of this allowed us to choose what we wanted without the fear if it breaking the bank for our friends and making up for the costs they would incur in having to travel to NY and throwing parties. It may have added to the total cost of the wedding for us but since we budgeted for it from the beginning there wasn’t any sticker shock what so ever.

I’ve been in four weddings. I love being in touch with the three brides/ friends who communicated up front, were thoughtful, and good humored – including the bride who calmly repaired the hem of my bride’s maid’s dress using duct tape.

Advertisements add a nice dollar in the pocket, but I think they tend to cheapen your blog posts – especially when you dedicate an entire post to a company who is a blog advertiser.

-Ryan

1. The “old prom dress” idea will not cut it with most brides. However, some opt to let the bridesmaids select their own dress, as long as it is the same color as the other girls. Also, there are many websites to buy and sell used bridesmaid dresses. I recently sold one of my dresses on project ruffle swap.

2. It is important for everyone in your bridal party to be on the same page when it comes to costs. People should be honest about what they are willing and able to spend on the wedding and pre-wedding events. It’s going to be uncomfortable if one person doesn’t care how much he/she spends while others are on a tight budget.

3. I hate the idea that people you ask to be in your wedding are still “required” to get you a shower and wedding gift. Consider telling your bridesmaids that you consider giving you a shower and bachelorette party to be a gift. If you still feel obligated, or just want to give a gift, consider pooling together with the other bridesmaids to get a bigger gift that is reasonable when the costs are split between each person.

4. Lastly, brides need to manage their expectations. It is expensive to be in someone’s wedding and you need to understand the monetary and time commitment your are asking of people.

1) A maid of honor should never pay by herself for the shower and bachelorette party. I’ve been in three weddings and helped throw showers/bachelorette parties for two other weddings for which I was not in the wedding party. You can easily throw a nice, do-it-yourself shower for $150 or less, and if you have five people splitting that bill, it is pretty cheap. And, aside from one bachelorette party in Vegas that we all agreed we wanted to do, all bachelorette parties have only been a little more expensive than a regular night on the town. One tip: for a bachelorette party, I never expect the hostesses to foot my bill. We’ve always paid for ourselves along the way, regardless the group of friends I’m with. And yes, travel is always expensive, so do the shower and bachelorette on the same weekend so if anyone has to fly, they only have to fly that weekend and the wedding weekend.

2) $200 is a lot for a bridesmaid dress. I would say keep it under $150. Also, I have never bought new shoes or new undergarments for a wedding I’ve been in. Maybe my friends are just reasonable people, but the only item I’ve ever been asked to buy is a dress. Ummm, old prom dresses would look pretty silly if my friends and I were to wear ours, but I agree that it could be nice to say, “wear a black, knee-length dress” and then the bridesmaids get a lot of style and price ranges to choose from.

3) Hair and make-up purchases should always be optional. I know there are some crazy brides out there, but unless you’re going to pay for those expenses yourself as the bride, you can’t make it required. I wanted to treat my bridesmaids to manicures, so I paid that, and they decided if they wanted to get their hair done…some did, some didn’t, everyone looked beautiful at the wedding. None of us, including myself, had our make-up done for my wedding.

4) When deciding who to include in your wedding party, don’t forget that typically brides and grooms give their wedding party members gifts. If you have 10 girls and 10 boys, that’s a lot of gifts.

Good post!